Laurie Puhn, J.D., is a NYC-based, Harvard-educated family lawyer-mediator and the author of “Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words to Change Your Life” (Penguin). Not only has her relationship advice been showcased on national media like Fox News Channel and CNN Headline News, but she's also now sharing her words of wisdom with new parents and expecting couples in her blog, Expecting Words.
Here, Laurie tells us about the simple pleasures she and her husband have found in raising their 1-year-old son on Manhattan's Upper East Side – and how she has learned to keep up with the dueling demands of motherhood and business.
Q: Laurie, what is your "mom philosophy"?
"With a 1-year old, my philosophy is to be flexible because there’s no telling what tomorrow may bring. From napping, to eating, to that time he caught a stomach bug and wouldn’t eat for three days, I have to be ready for anything. I may need to cancel an appointment because Blake has a fever, and I need to comfort him. I can’t dwell on canceling my plans or even feel disappointed about it for more than a minute, because this is the job of being a parent. On the other hand, one night when Blake was in a great mood, he discovered pillows. We threw them all on the floor of the living room and crawled on top of them. He was hysterical. I mean, pillows make the kid hysterical. Such simple pleasures are the best."
Q: What is the biggest challenge of being a mother and business owner, and how do you rise to the challenge?
"It’s a huge challenge to have enough energy to be a good mother and to work efficiently. For so many years, I watched Oprah’s mom makeovers, and I thought it was silly that a woman would suddenly wear sweats all the time once she had a kid. Now I understand. You just don’t have extra energy to even blow dry your hair in the morning. Thank goodness for ponytail holders and headbands. I rise to the challenge by allowing myself some time off. I take breaks in the middle of the day. I go for a walk. I might rest on the couch for 15 minutes. I need this time to recharge so I can go back to work with fresh ideas for my advice blog for new parents and expecting couples, or I use the post-break burst of energy to respond to e-mails from my law and mediation clients and readers of my book. Sometimes, I need a break between working and being with my son so that when I feed him dinner, I’m relaxed and have patience when he throws food on the floor or suddenly decides that he no longer loves baths after all."
Q: What special traditions do you have in your family?
"Staying connected with our extended family is very important to us, especially since some of them don’t live in New York. When Blake was born, we started taking one-minute videos of him a few times a month, posting them online and e-mailing our extended family to take a look. They loved seeing the clips! So now it’s a tradition. Whenever Blake does something new or silly, out comes the video camera."
Q: If we asked your son why his mom is the best, what would he say?
"If my 1-year-old could talk in sentences, he’d probably say that he likes all the little songs I’ve made up for him. I’m a horrible singer and haven’t sung in public since middle-school chorus. But now, I find myself singing made-up tunes to him in front of lots of people because it really calms him down and makes him smile. Perhaps he’s laughing at me, which is what it’s all about, right?"
Q: What is one thing other moms would be surprised to know about you?
"I don’t believe there is a maternal instinct. I think that both parents have the natural instinct to love and protect their child, but as to how to do that, I admit I was clueless when I had my son. It was a trial-and-error experience to figure out how to bathe him, feed him and then how to identify his teething pain, diaper rash and pink eye. I don’t have all the answers, and I think some moms suffer from insecurity because they believe they are supposed to know what to do. Parenting is an on-the-job learning experience."
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